Funny Things to Say to Mormon Missionaries
A Baptist a Catholic and a Mormon were talking about their families. . .
The Baptist says I have 4 kids, just one more and I'll have a basketball team. The Catholic says That's nice but I have 10 kids, one more and I'll have a football team. The Mormon says Well, I have 17 wives, one more, and I'll have a golf course.
A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
A mormon was having an affair with a 15 year old girl who had lied about her age, when he learned the truth he broke it off and over the next few week guilt set in and he confessed to his wife. She screamed at him,
"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".
A Jew, a Catholic, and a Mormon all walk into a bar...
The Jewish man boasts, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team." The Catholic man says, "That's nothing! I have ten sons. One more and I'll have a soccer team!" The Mormon stands up and proclaims, "Big deal! I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!"
So Obama calls Romney....
And says, I got good news and bad news. Romney says "What is it?" Obama says "Well the good news is I think it's time for a Mormon president." "That's great Barack! What's the bad news?" Obama chuckles and says "My baptism is next Sunday"
A Catholic priest, a Baptist priest, and a Mormon priest are sitting in a bar
So a mormon priest, a baptist priest, and a catholic priest are sitting in a bar. The catholic priest says "I have six kids now, I have a basketball team". The baptist priest says "I have eleven kids now, I have a football team". The mormon priest says "I have 18 wives now, I have a golf course"
I am a Arkansan, homeschooled, Mormon what is your best joke?
Seriously I want to know.
A Jew, A Catholic, and a Mormon are in a bar discussing their families...
...The Jew says "I have 8 kids, one more and I'll have enough for a baseball team!" The Catholic says "I have 10 kids, one more and I'll have enough for a football team!" The Mormon says "That's nothing, I have 17 wives, one more and I'll have enough for a golf course!"
Where can you find a mormon horse?
Salt Lick City.
What's the difference between a Catholic wedding and a Mormon wedding?
At a Catholic wedding, the bride is pregnant. At a Mormon wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant.
Three guys are talking about their families (likely a re-post)
Three men - Bob, Joe, and David - are bragging about their families. Bob and Joe are Catholic, and David is Mormon.
Joe says "I've got four athletic daughters. One more and I'll have a championship basketball team."
Bob responds "I've got eight athletic sons. One more and I'll have an all-Anerican baseball team."
David answers "I've got five beautiful wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
You can explore mormon invite reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mormon polygamy dad jokes. There are also mormon puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do you call an alcoholic Mormon?
An oxymormon
What's the most confusing day in a Mormon home?
Mother's Day.
Have you heard about the Mormon drag queen?
She is Polly Glamorous
What do you call a religious Pokemon?
A Mormon.
What do you call a Jamaican Pokemon?
A Yeahmon.
How do you keep a mormon from drinking all your beer?
Invite 2 mormons
What do you call a Mormon who likes to smoke, drink, swear and have sex with strangers?
An oxymormon.
How do you get a Mormon to stop drinking all of your alcohol?
Invite two of them.
How are Mormons better than Catholics?
They marry the children before they molest them!
A Mormon walks into a bar.
What do you call a Mormon who switches religion?
A mormoff!
Mormons believe traditional marriage is between a man and a woman
and another woman and another woman and another woman.
Fun Fact: Jared Fogle was a Mormon
I heard he graduated top of his class at Bring Em Young University
A Jew, a Catholic, and a Mormon are drinking together.
The Jew boasts about his fertility
"I have 4 sons; one more and I'll have a basketball team!"
"That's nothing," says the Catholic, "I have 10 sons! I almost have a football team!"
The Jew and Catholic looked expectantly at the Mormon. "Well?"
"I have 17 wives. I almost have a golf course!"
What do Mormons say when they go to the strip club?
Do they come in bulk?
How many Mormons does it take to drink a 12 pack of beer?
One if nobody is watching.
Where do Mormon deer call home?
Salt Lick City
Q: Why do Mormon women stop having babies at 35?
A: Because 36 would be too many.
What's the difference between a Mormon man and a Muslim man.
A Mormon man gets 72 virgins and THEN kills himself.
A Jewish guy, a Catholic guy and a Mormon are having dinner together...
...and they are bragging about their families.
"My wife and I have 4 strapping young boys" says the Jewish man. "If we have one more, we would have our own basketball team."
"Well, good for you" says the Catholic. "But we have 10 healthy sons. If we would have one more we would have our own football team."
"That's nothing" says the Mormon. "I have 17 wives. If I have one more I would have my own golf course."
How many Mormons do you take fishing with you?
Two.
If you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.
A Mormon president would face the most difficult issue any president has.
Deciding who's the First Lady, who's the Second Lady, and who's the Third Lady.
Why did the prostitute join the Mormon church?
She wanted a high paying missionary position.
A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon were having drinks at the bar following an interfaith meeting...
The Jew, bragging on his virility, said, "I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team."
The Catholic, pooh-poohed this accomplishment, stating, "That's nothing, boy. I have 10 sons, one more and I'll have a football team."
To which the Mormon replied, "You fellas ain't got a clue. I have 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
What do you call a rational scientific Mormon?
An Oxymormon
A Mormon walks into a bar
and says, "I'm with the Utah Liquor Control Department, prepare for a fifteen hour compliance audit."
I wonder if mormons support the transgendered?
If they did, they could go on a transmission!
-- authentic dadjoke overheard at breakfast
How do you get a Mormon to not drink all of your beer on a fishing trip?
Bring two Mormons.
A Mormon brags to his friends about spending $5,000 on each of his two wives for Christmas...
"Wasn't that big of me?"
First I dated a seventh day adventist and then a mormon
I told my mom that im not just in it for the sects but she doesn't believe me.
Why do you always take 2 Mormons when you go on a fishing trip?
Because, if you only take one he will drink all your beer.
Did you hear about the magic pen that God gave Joseph Smith to write the Book of Mormon?
Every time Joe wrote something made up, the pen would leave ink on the page.
Why don't the mormons just open their own Hospital if praying really works?
Because you can't make money off of prayers.
Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 35?
36 would be just too many.
Why can't you take a Mormon speed dating?
He'll start pushing all the tables together.
An Irish man and a Mormon sat next to each other on a plane.
The flight attendant comes and asks the Irish man if he wants a drink. He asks for a whiskey and the drink is promptly placed in front of him.
The flight attendant asks the Mormon:
"Do you want an alcoholic drink too?"
The Mormon responds:
"I would rather be assaulted by a dozen whores than have alcohol touch my lips."
The Irish man interrupts saying:
"In that case take my drink back. I didn't know we had a choice."
What has more minivans than a dealership?
A Mormon church parking lot....
What do you call a Mormon climber?
A Ladder Day Saint.
What do you call a Mormon gynecologist?
A Box Elder.
What did the Frat boy say when the Mormon handed him a piece of paper?
Bro sure.
Why do Mormons get married on Black Friday?
Because they get 2 for 1.
When you go on a fishing trip with a Mormon, how do you keep him from drinking all of your beer?
You invite another Mormon.
Why do you only ever take 2 mormons fishing (instead of just one)?
Because if you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.
How do you stop a Mormon from drinking all the beer at your party?
Invite a second Mormon.
Mormons believe...
Mormons believe in wife after death.
What do you get when you cross a Jehovah witness and a Mormon?
I have no idea but I can't get him off my porch
I study different religions. Through dedicated research, I found one similarity that the Bible, Quran, Torah, and even the Book of Mormon all share.
They are all equally flammable.
Why do you always have to take two Mormons fishing?
Cause if you took one, he'd drink all your beer
An office hired a Mormon and a Jehovah's Witness.
Soon after, there was an open door policy.
I just walked in on my wife having sex with my wife.
I love being Mormon!
How do you keep a Mormon from drinking all your beer on a camping trip?
Take two of them with you.
The dyslexic drug addict became a Mormon...
...when he got hooked on LDS
Why did the Mormon elder get in trouble for dating twenty nine year olds?
I mean, there was twenty of them....
Why do Mormons get away with murder?
The all share DNA
Did you hear about the Mormon cat with a speech impediment?
He had nine wives.
An Irishman and a mormon sat next to each other on a plane.
The irishman immediately asked the stewardess for a whiskey. The stewardess served him his whiskey and asked the mormon if he would like a drink too.
The mormon replied that he would rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch his lips.
The irishman hurriedly handed back his whiskey and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
Fishing in Utah
A Catholic in Utah once told me, "If you ever go fishing with a Mormon, make sure you bring two."
"Why's that?" I asked.
"If you just bring one he will drink all your beer."
They call it Mormon but the last time I checked the men are always after more women.
My GF thought her joke was hilarious.
Mom, Dad, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom........ I'm gay.
Coming out is harder in a Fundamentalist Mormon family.
An Irishman and a Mormon are seated next to each other on a plane...
The flight attendant asks if they'd like anything to drink. The Irishman says I'll have a double shot of Jameson, and one for my new friend here.
No no no, says the Mormon. I would rather be sodomized by a dozen disease-infested whores than to let alcohol touch my lips.
The flight attendant blushes and turns away before the Irishman interjects, forget the whiskey—I didn't realize that was an option.
As a Mormon, heritage is very important to me.
From a very young age, I learned all about my forefathers – *and my five mothers!*
Two young boys are seated at the back of the congregation at a Mormon temple wedding...
Two young boys are seated at the back of the congregation at a Mormon temple wedding when one of them leans over and asks the other:
I'm confused, how many wives are we allowed to have?
His companion mulls it over, Sixteen… I think. *Four better, four worse, four richer, and four poorer.*
Tables turned
We got a new dog. We named him Jesus, and he gets loose often. Occasionally I'll knock on my Mormon neighbors door just to ask if _they've_ found Jesus.
So, a Mormon and an Irishman are on a plane
They were seated next to each other on a flight from London to the US.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
How do you make a mormon stop drinking?
You invite another one.
A Scientologist, a Catholic, and a Mormon are talking about their families.
The Scientologist jokes, "I've got 4 kids. One more and I'll have a basketball team!" The Catholic joins in and says, "Well I've got 10 kids, and one more I'll have a football team!". The Mormon speaks up and deadpans. "I've got 17 wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."
A mormon walks into a bar.
Just kidding.
Weddings by Christian denomination [super-dated but still funny]
At a Catholic wedding, the bride is pregnant.
At a Mormon wedding, the bride's mother is pregnant.
At a United Church wedding, the minister is pregnant.
At a Unitarian wedding, the minister and her wife are both pregnant.
*Adapted poorly from a joke about Jewish denominations.*
Source: https://jokojokes.com/mormon-jokes.html
0 Response to "Funny Things to Say to Mormon Missionaries"
Post a Comment